Encouragement

Be Filled

One Another Project Encouragement Ephesians, family, spirit, Thanksgiving, turkey

be filled with turkey

Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:18-20

Being Filled

The Thanksgiving holiday is upon us. So, this is your annual public service announcement about tryptophan overdoses: it is for real. I am not a health care professional nor a nutritionist nor a biologist. I have neither supervised nor participated in any scientific studies. But I do have some real life credentials. Every year for the past 45 years of my adult life, I have stuffed myself to the point of gluttony with turkey and felt the resulting physical crash from the overdose of tryptophan. So, be warned. The struggle is real. In fact, it is so real (and, I suspect, so common) that Paul may well have chosen “being filled with turkey” as his illustration if he were to write his letter to “the church in America” around the Thanksgiving holiday. In his letter to the Ephesians, he spends considerable ink casting a vision of the Spirit-filled life. He employs numerous illustrations and metaphors to make his point, and none more poignant than in Ephesians 5:18-20. Instead of filling yourself with wine, fill yourself with the Holy Spirit (my paraphrase). Had he been writing to us today, might he have said, “Instead of filling yourself with turkey, fill yourself with the Holy Spirit?”

My Privilege

Before you begin flooding the comments with just how privileged I am to be “worried” about eating too much this Thanksgiving when there are so many here in my own community (not to mention around the world) who do not have nearly enough to eat, let me just acknowledge that reality. I am privileged indeed. But my privileges do not end there. My privilege includes having been reared by two parents who love me and who gave me this Thanksgiving tradition. I was privileged to have found the love of my life in high school and to have been faithfully loved by her for more than 40 years. And I am privileged to have fathered some amazing girls who have filled my life with joy. But my biggest privilege of all is that, this week, when our entire family gathers together for the Thanksgiving holiday, every adult will be filled with God’s Spirit as a follower of Christ. That brings me back to Paul’s encouragement to the Ephesians in 5:18-20.

Give Thanks

Paul didn’t end his “be filled with the Spirit” counsel with that illustration. He goes a little further. Since you are filled with the Spirit, you should “give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” In other words, if you are so privileged as to be surrounded by Spirit-filled Christ followers this week, then you should absolutely be thankful. And so I am. I am grateful for my entire family. And I am grateful that the Spirit of God indwells them. It is my greatest privilege.

© One Another Project

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Our Vision for our Friends and Family is Way Too Small

One Another Project Conversations about what could be, Encouragement butterfly, change, chrysalis, encouragement, exhortation, transformation, vision

Encouraging the people in our lives to fulfill our vision for them is not doing them any favors.

chrysalis butterfly transformation

Do you know any true visionaries? They are few and far between in our world. It is an impressive gift to be able to see with clarity what could be and then know with certainty that it should be and then cast a vision with such passion that people believe it will be. Very few of us are gifted in that way. Thankfully, when it comes to encouraging friends and family toward the wonderful possibilities in their lives, we don’t have to be visionaries. In fact, it is probably best that we are not. Here’s why…

Despite all the clichés about leopards and spots and people never changing, people can and actually do often change. Not always. But often. Genuine transformation really is possible in people’s lives. There are people you knew in high school that have undergone (or will undergo) radical physical, emotional or spiritual transformation in their lives, rendering them almost unrecognizable 10 years later. And in many of those cases, NOBODY saw the change coming back in high school.

This reality is especially true when the transformation is spiritual in nature. When the God who created the universe with all its variety and diversity transforms someone, there simply is no predicting the final product. It really is a caterpillar-to-butterfly kind of thing. The transformation of which God is possible defies our wildest imagination. Scripture says it this way:

You plant a “dead” seed; soon there is a flourishing plant. There is no visual likeness between seed and plant. You could never guess what a tomato would look like by looking at a tomato seed. What we plant in the soil and what grows out of it don’t look anything alike. 1 Corinthians 15:37 (The Message)

And so, learning to encourage a friend or family member toward the possibilities before them, is much less about your specific vision for them and much more about cheering them toward a variety of wonderful possibilities. Helping our children grow up into a God-ordained calling is not about them fulfilling our vision for them. Rather, it is about helping them move toward the God whose vision for them matters most. We can either push them to become what our own imagination can muster for them, or we can encourage them to grow into God’s vision for them, which is way, way better than ours.

In a way, it makes us feel a little sorry for those true visionaries in the world. After all, if they work and achieve what they were able to envision on their own (without God), then they may well have missed out on achieving much greater visions with God. And when it comes to the important relationships in our lives, we can either help them achieve our own vision for them, or we can help them achieve God’s vision for them. The difference is large.

© Christian Unity Ministries

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Christian Unity Ministries. Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Christian Unity Ministries. Website: oneanotherproject.com.

Purpose, Identity and Encouragement

One Another Project Conversations about what could be, Encouragement coffee, Corinth, cup, encouragement, exhortation, gifts, God, mentor, purpose, significance, spirit

Real encouragement includes helping someone find their purpose in this world, i.e., helping them figure out what God created them to be and to do.

coffee sunrise

Coffee cups come in all shapes and sizes. Tall, short, fat, skinny, plain or ornate. Some are fancy and expensive, some are common and inexpensive. For coffee drinkers, some cups have special significance, because they come with a memory of a place or a circumstance. Some coffee cups belong to a set, some belong in a collection, and some are totally and wonderfully unique, all by themselves. But the most important thing about most coffee cups is not any of those things. For coffee drinkers, in most cases, the most important thing about a coffee cup is not what is on the outside of the cup, but what goes inside the cup. It’s the difference between a coffee cup and a cup. It is part of its identity, its very purpose.

People are like coffee cups in that way. Ultimately, what is most important about a person is the spirit within them which moves them forward. It is why people from the very beginning of time have gone to unbelievable lengths to find their significance, i.e., their purpose in this world. It is why adopted children search for their birthparents. It is why people climb mountains and swim oceans and go on walkabouts. And it is why people seek God.

We want to know why we are here, why God wired us in the specific way He did, and what our wiring is intended to produce in us. We take personality inventories and aptitude tests because we want to better understand who we are. We go to therapy and we read self-help books and we have long conversations late into the night with people we love because we want to know ourselves better, and to know our purpose in this world.

So, when someone whose opinion matters to us says to us, “I think I can see what God wired you to do…” we stop what we are doing and we lean in and listen. Because, no matter what else we believe about God, there is something in us that needs to know why He created us and what He is doing through us. It gives us significance, and it sets us apart from everyone else. Our purpose is a critical part of our identity. In a letter the Apostle Paul wrote to one of his churches, he said this:

Each person is given something to do that shows who God is: Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits. All kinds of things are handed out by the Spirit, and to all kinds of people! The variety is wonderful… 1 Corinthians 12:7-8 (The Message)

If I want to encourage someone in my life, one of the most profound ways I can do that is to help her see God’s spirit at work in her. It not only identifies something good already taking place in her, but it shifts the focus to days and years ahead, to good things that could be. It helps chart a course for fulfillment and significance and purpose. It builds confidence and trust. It does wonderful things not only in their life, but in this relationship.

Want to be encouraged? Ask the spiritual mentors in your life what they see God doing in and through you. Want to encourage someone else? Do that for them. Help them see how they are wired, and what their purpose might include. You’ll be amazed what that might build in your relationship.

© Christian Unity Ministries

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Christian Unity Ministries. Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Christian Unity Ministries. Website: oneanotherproject.com.

Encouragement for a New Normal

One Another Project Conversations about what could be, Encouragement Babylon, bloom, cancer, diagnosis, encouragement, exile, Israel, Jeremiah, normal, reality

Real encouragement is much more than mere positivity. It is grounded in what is real. Sometimes that means helping us embrace what “good” looks like in a new normal.

encouragement

There are life events and circumstances that change our entire trajectory. Whatever our direction and goals were before, suddenly they must necessarily change. It could be a diagnosis we did not see coming, or some other physical condition that changes everything. Or it could be the loss of a job, or an unforeseen relocation in a job. Or perhaps the sudden loss of a loved one or some other circumstance of tremendous grief. It happens. There are things that cause us to weep and process and come to grips with the fact that this changes everything.

These are times when we fall into whatever safety net we have in place around us in the form of important relationships. It may be family or it may be close friends. Either way, we all need relationships in our lives on which we can rely when we need a word of encouragement just to make it through the day. And, in game-changing circumstances such as I am describing here, that encouragement must be more than just “rainbows and unicorns”; it must be real. We don’t need a lecture about positive thinking. We need someone to help us gain a vision of what really can be.

There’s a story in the Bible about the people of Israel being defeated by the neighboring Babylonians and taken into exile back in Babylon.For those exiled, this was one of those life-altering circumstances. They were gathered up and involuntarily marched out of their homes, out of their country, and into a whole new life. At a time when they were searching for some sliver of hope that, somehow, they could return to their homes and carry on with their lives, God sent them an interesting word through one of their prophets, Jeremiah:

“Build houses and make yourselves at home. Put in gardens and eat what grows in that country. Marry and have children. Encourage your children to marry and have children so that you’ll thrive in that country and not waste away. Make yourselves at home there and work for the country’s welfare. Pray for Babylon’s well-being. If things go well for Babylon, things will go well for you.” Jeremiah 29:5-7 (Message)

In other words, “This is your new normal, your new life…quit looking back and make it work.” It was coupled with an encouraging word of hope for the next generation, but for this generation, this was the best it was going to get. In this encouragement, there was no false hope, and there was no hint of a “prosperity gospel” encouraging them to have faith and pray, so that God would change these circumstances for them. There were no such promises, not in this lifetime. Rather, God’s encouragement to them was very much “bloom where you’re planted”. Figure it out. Make the best of it. It was the truth, and there is no more important element of genuine encouragement than truth.

When we find ourselves in a new normal, we should surround ourselves with truth-speakers who will help us catch a vision of what really could be under these circumstances. And when those we love find themselves in such a circumstance, we should be truth speakers. Because that is what real encouragement looks like.

© Christian Unity Ministries

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Christian Unity Ministries. Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Christian Unity Ministries. Website: oneanotherproject.com.

Being the Voice of Peace

One Another Project Conversations about what could be, Encouragement divisiveness, encouragement, friend, gangs, gender, immigration, peace, peacemaker, politics, race, relationship, wars

In a divided culture of “us versus them”, being the friend who encourages reason and peace may be risky, but the rewards are enormous.

peacemaker

I’m pretty confident that your Facebook feed of all your friends’ posts and comments doesn’t look all that different from mine. Aside from the occasional dog/cat video, much of the discourse today on social media is all about advocacy for one ideology or another. The ranting and raving about the political issue du jour (guns, race, gender issues, immigration, etc.) fills our comment threads, together with all the name-calling and character-questioning that comes with this divisive culture. In short, it’s a big gang war and everyone waves their colors proudly…and few people seem to care much about the casualties.

Part of what fuels the divisiveness is the desire each of us has deep down inside to be heard…to be a voice of influence. And in a culture where the advocacy gets more and more prominent, it may seem that the only way to be heard is to scream even louder and to become even more radical. After all, none of us wants our voice to simply get lost in the white noise of other voices. So, our inclination is to join the fray, to become a leader or influencer for our “team”. We aim for being more articulate and more persuasive than others, all in our effort to get the win for our side.

But, in such a gang war, is there a win to be had? Ever? Well, maybe that is a debate for another post. Here is a more personal question: as we busy ourselves with the ranting and raving and escalating voices, what kinds of meaningful relationships are we building? Even within our own team, our own “tribe”, how are our closest relationships, i.e., our most genuine friendships?

If I want to be a leader among friends, it seems to me that my voice must find a different way to stand out. I must be capable of looking even higher than the political ideologies of my tribe, to see the larger values that actually bind mankind together. If I want to be an influence for good for the friends and family in my life, my voice must sound different than the verbal grenades and flame-throwers dominating our media today.

There’s a great story in the Bible about David (after he killed Goliath) as he was building his own “tribe” of men who would band together to eventually help him become king. He and his little band of brothers were on the run and in hiding from the current king (Saul) who wanted David dead. The battle was on. The terms of engagement seemed clear enough. But in a God-ordained moment of opportunity for David to sneak up behind Saul and dispose of him once and for all, David relented. Instead of ending the war right then and there, he simply cut off a corner of Saul’s robe without Saul even knowing it. And then this happened:

Afterward, David was conscience-stricken for having cut off a corner of his robe.He said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lay my hand on him; for he is the anointed of the Lord.”With these words David sharply rebuked his men and did not allow them to attack Saul. 1 Samuel 24:5-7

Not only did David choose the path of peace, but he used his influence to encourage his followers down that same path. He demonstrated a leadership voice that is a game-changer. It is the type of voice for which our current culture is desperate. And it is the type of voice that presses friendships deeper than most of us can even imagine. In our Five Conversations for Healthy Relationships, we call this “talking about what could be”. It means being the kind of friend who not only sees the path of peace (reconciliation, forgiveness, etc.) but also encourages others to take it.

As you pause momentarily from the surrounding culture wars and take a quick glance at the friendships around you, are you happy with what you see? Or wouldn’t you like to see those friendships grow deeper and more meaningful? If deeper and more meaningful is what you desire, have you considered what kind of voice you will use in order to make that happen? More to the point: what if you are the friend or family member who is supposed to be encouraging others down the path of peace?

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Helping Me Discern

One Another Project Conversations about what could be, Encouragement clarity, design, discern, Eli, encouragement, God, purpose, relationships, Samuel, speak, understand

What could be more encouraging than to help someone hear and understand God’s calling on their life, i.e., to help someone clearly discern and do exactly what they were created to do?

blueprint design purpose

As a mediator, I spend a great deal of my time sitting and listening to warring parties expressing their pain in, sometimes, pretty unhealthy ways. And I love that I get to do that. I love it because it is what I am wired to do. I believe it is what God created me to do. There is a scripture that says, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10. There simply is no other sense of fulfillment quite like getting to make a living doing exactly what you are uniquely wired to do. I am blessed.

But how would I have ever stumbled into this work if I had never felt a sense of calling to it? I am an introvert. And my tendency is to run from conflict. So, had I merely done what “felt good” to me, I would never have chosen this path. Had I not learned better tools for discerning “God’s will”, I would surely have missed getting to do the things God created me to do. Learning to “hear” God speak, learning to discern His will, and learning to know with certainty his calling(s) on our lives are critical to this level of fulfillment.

In Five Conversations for Healthy Relationships, when we think about conversations that encourage others, one of the ways we do that is through conversations about what could be. If I want to be an encourager in someone’s life, it is more than just patting them on the back and telling them “good job”; it includes helping them see the good paths in front of them. In short, it is helping them discern what God created them to do and to be. It is helping them to “hear” from God.

One man who came to know his purpose in this world and whose story is told in scripture is Samuel. He learned to hear God speaking with amazing clarity. And he became one of the most influential voices in Israel’s history as a result of it. He also had an encourager in his life: Eli, a priest. Samuel had gone to live with Eli in the temple when he was just a very young boy. One night, Samuel heard a voice he thought was Eli’s calling to him. But when he went to Eli, Eli told him it was not him at all. It happened again, and again, Eli told him he had not called him.

When it happened a third time, Eli recognized what was happening, and said this to the young boy, Samuel: “Go back and lie down. If the voice calls again, say, ‘Speak, God. I’m your servant, ready to listen.’” 1 Samuel 3:9. The next time Samuel heard the voice, he answered the way Eli taught him to answer, and he would hear from God often for the rest of his life as a result. Here is what scripture says about him: And Samuel grew, and the Lord was with him and let none of his words fall to the ground. 1 Samuel 3:19.

Samuel was blessed to have Eli in his life to help him see the possibilities of what could be. I was blessed that way too, having parents and mentors in my life to help me learn to hear God speak. One question you should ask yourself is, who has played that encourager role in your life? But even more important than that, in whose life will you play that role? Do you know how to hear from God? Whom are you teaching to do that?

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Christian Unity Ministries. Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Christian Unity Ministries. Website: oneanotherproject.com.

Life Changing Encouragement

One Another Project Conversations about what could be, Conversations about what is right, Encouragement affirmation, cheerleader, discipleship, encouragement, exhortation, fishing, Jesus, Luke 5, Peter, possibilities

We all need cheerleaders in our lives both to help us see what is already good and to help us see what is possible.

We each know pretty easily who the encouragers are in our life, and we can recall with ease the people who pat us on the back and say “well done” as well as the people who cheer us forward to bigger and greater things. We can recall them easily because we are drawn to them. All of us are, because we are wired that way. And if it so happens that there is nobody in our life who does this for us, we are equally (and painfully) aware of this, for the same reasons. We are drawn to encouragement both emotionally and spiritually in the same way our physical bodies are drawn to water when we are thirsty. Our relational health requires encouragement like our physical health requires water. So, when we talk about the kinds of conversations that help to drive relationships deeper and make them healthier, conversations around encouragement are at the top of the list. They are the first and easiest of our Five Conversations for Healthy Relationships.

What is more, conversations around encouragement are TWO of the five conversations, because there are actually two sides of encouragement. There is a side that looks back at what has already happened and says, “well done…this was good”–we call it affirmation. And then there is a side that looks to the future and cheers us toward exciting possibilities–we call that exhortation. Both are encouragement. And both are necessary conversations in order to drive important relationships deeper. We need cheerleaders in our lives both to help us see what is already good and to help us see what is possible. That is true on the surface, and it is true spiritually as well. Jesus was a master at both.

There is a wonderful story in the Bible about when Jesus first met a professional fisherman named Peter. He (Peter) and his partners had been out fishing all night and had caught nothing. It was just one of those bad outings. No fruit to show for their labors. Not a big deal. Clearly, the fish just weren’t biting that day. We all have days or nights like that at work. They were busy cleaning their nets when Jesus approached them and asked if he could borrow a boat. It would allow him to be heard more easily by the crowd who was following him and waiting for him to teach. Peter relented. And I believe Peter likely heard the teaching and was amazed by it. This man, Jesus, was uncommonly wise and was clearly worth hearing. After he taught, Jesus told Peter he should go back out and try fishing again. Peter recalled for Jesus the bad night they had just completed, but then Peter did something uncommon himself. He relented AGAIN. “Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at your word I will let down the nets.”

I would like to think I would have said the same thing. But, honestly, I don’t know. Jesus was clearly a wise teacher, but what did he know about fishing? What could he teach a professional fisherman about his trade? What rabbi would even dare to be so presumptuous? It worked out well for Peter. The catch was miraculous. It was too big for his boat! It was amazing, and it was a little scary. Peter expressed as much. It was encouraging, to be sure. It said to Peter, “Look what you accomplished with me.” It illustrated to Peter that, with Jesus, he could do amazing things. I promise you, Peter was glad he took Jesus’ fishing advice. Encouraging? Yes. Beyond belief.

But then came the second level of encouragement. Jesus then helped Peter begin to see what COULD be. He began to cast a vision of Peter’s future. Here’s how scripture describes the conversation:

“Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.” And when they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed him.

There is encouragement that helps you feel good about what has already happened, and then there is encouragement that changes your life forever. Do you want to drive the important relationships in your life deeper and make them more meaningful and more nurturing both to you and to them? Learn this kind of encouragement. Get good at being that to others in your life, and forge friendships with those who can be that for you as well. You will never regret it.

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Christian Unity Ministries. Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Christian Unity Ministries. Website: oneanotherproject.com.