Jesus Archives - One Another Project

Confession and the Importance of Being Right

One Another Project Conversations about what's hurt them, Reconciliation brother, confession, family, father, Jesus, luke 15, pain, reconciliation, relationship, son

Nothing says, “I value this relationship” quite like confession and surrender.

We are living in a culture of advocacy and tribal contention. If watching the news or listening to talk radio or reading through your social media feeds makes you angry or frustrated, that is probably the reason. We are literally inundated with voices screaming for their tribe and advocating for their issue. Among the fatalities in such a culture are meaningful relationships, both old and new. For you see, having the kinds of conversations that actually make relationship meaningful is completely counter-cultural in this setting. And among those conversations that actually make relationships healthy, none is more counter-intuitive than honestly and genuinely dealing with how we have hurt someone. We call that “confession”. And, oh boy, do we struggle with it.

Jesus told a story about a rebellious son who left home abruptly, breaking his father’s heart. After that son came to the end of his rope (and came to his senses), he decided to go back home and salvage whatever he could salvage of his relationship with his father. He prepared to have a conversation about the pain he knew he had caused the father. His “confession” is a model way to start such a conversation:

When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. The son started his speech: ‘Father, I’ve sinned against God, I’ve sinned before you; I don’t deserve to be called your son ever again. Luke 15:20-21 (The Message)

Notice some of the key elements of his confession. First, he worked to see the truth about what he had done, seeing it the same way God saw it. Second, he also worked to see the pain through the eyes of the person he had hurt. Third, he fully accepted whatever the consequences of his wrongdoing might be, no matter how harsh or unfair they might have seemed: I don’t deserve to be called your son ever again. But, most importantly, he demonstrated from his heart that it was more important to him to be in a right relationship with his father than to be right. This rebellious son had a complete change of heart and chose to surrender completely to the relationship rather than to hold onto any notion of being right or of winning.

The model for us is clear. When the time comes for us to have a hard conversation about what has hurt the other person in our relationship, we have a hard decision to make. Ultimately, we have to decide what is more important: being right or being in right relationship. Choosing the relationship over our prideful needs proves to the other person how important they are to us. Think about how different our culture would be with just a hint of this kind of attitude toward our relationships with one another. More importantly, think about how different our families would be if this were both valued and taught.

© Christian Unity Ministries

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Christian Unity Ministries. Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Christian Unity Ministries. Website: oneanotherproject.com.

Forgiveness as the Measure of Real Love

One Another Project Conversations about what's hurt me, Reconciliation forgiveness, human, Jesus, love, luke 7, pain, reconciliation, relationships

Nothing says “love” quite like forgiveness.

I don’t think many of us in this culture are really struggling with whether love is a good thing. I think most of us know we should love others, even those with whom we disagree. But what we are struggling with is what, exactly, love looks like in certain specific situations. In a culture where worldviews and ideologies so sharply divide us, we are struggling to find the right “building blocks” with which to build loving relationships. It feels impossible, and yet, at least when it comes to family and other such close relationships, we know we must find a way to love and to love well.

We can define love in terms of meeting needs (physical, emotional, spiritual). We can also define love in terms of quality time spent together. Both are decent and reasonably accurate measures. Indeed, it is difficult to imagine love without them. But neither of those concepts are as clear an indicator of love as expressions of forgiveness. Moving through hurts and offenses to a place of actual expressions of genuine forgiveness is a sure pathway to a more loving relationship.

There’s a great story in scripture about this. Jesus is having dinner at the home of a church leader and a woman of ill repute off the streets comes and begins anointing Jesus and cleaning his feet. The church leader is appalled that Jesus would allow such a sinful woman to do this. Jesus corrects that attitude, explaining that she loves well because she has been forgiven so much.

“Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” Luke 7:47

Jesus, the creator of human relationships, knew that genuine forgiveness is a building block of love relationships. He draws a direct relationship between the measure of forgiveness and the measure of love. However else that church leader (or you or I) may tend to measure love, Jesus uses forgiveness as a critical indicator of genuine love.

You see, in order to be able to express forgiveness, there must first be a discussion about the pain or the offense at issue. There must be a naming of that pain and an owning of that pain. Expressing pain requires actual conversation. Only then does an expression of forgiveness become meaningful, even healing. And healing and restoration build love.

So, if you are struggling with what love should look like right now in a particular relationship in your life, maybe the right question you should be asking is, “How do I get to forgiveness?” Right questions, after all, lead to right pathways forward.

© Christian Unity Ministries

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Christian Unity Ministries. Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Christian Unity Ministries. Website: oneanotherproject.com.

Life Changing Encouragement

One Another Project Conversations about what could be, Conversations about what is right, Encouragement affirmation, cheerleader, discipleship, encouragement, exhortation, fishing, Jesus, Luke 5, Peter, possibilities

We all need cheerleaders in our lives both to help us see what is already good and to help us see what is possible.

We each know pretty easily who the encouragers are in our life, and we can recall with ease the people who pat us on the back and say “well done” as well as the people who cheer us forward to bigger and greater things. We can recall them easily because we are drawn to them. All of us are, because we are wired that way. And if it so happens that there is nobody in our life who does this for us, we are equally (and painfully) aware of this, for the same reasons. We are drawn to encouragement both emotionally and spiritually in the same way our physical bodies are drawn to water when we are thirsty. Our relational health requires encouragement like our physical health requires water. So, when we talk about the kinds of conversations that help to drive relationships deeper and make them healthier, conversations around encouragement are at the top of the list. They are the first and easiest of our Five Conversations for Healthy Relationships.

What is more, conversations around encouragement are TWO of the five conversations, because there are actually two sides of encouragement. There is a side that looks back at what has already happened and says, “well done…this was good”–we call it affirmation. And then there is a side that looks to the future and cheers us toward exciting possibilities–we call that exhortation. Both are encouragement. And both are necessary conversations in order to drive important relationships deeper. We need cheerleaders in our lives both to help us see what is already good and to help us see what is possible. That is true on the surface, and it is true spiritually as well. Jesus was a master at both.

There is a wonderful story in the Bible about when Jesus first met a professional fisherman named Peter. He (Peter) and his partners had been out fishing all night and had caught nothing. It was just one of those bad outings. No fruit to show for their labors. Not a big deal. Clearly, the fish just weren’t biting that day. We all have days or nights like that at work. They were busy cleaning their nets when Jesus approached them and asked if he could borrow a boat. It would allow him to be heard more easily by the crowd who was following him and waiting for him to teach. Peter relented. And I believe Peter likely heard the teaching and was amazed by it. This man, Jesus, was uncommonly wise and was clearly worth hearing. After he taught, Jesus told Peter he should go back out and try fishing again. Peter recalled for Jesus the bad night they had just completed, but then Peter did something uncommon himself. He relented AGAIN. “Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at your word I will let down the nets.”

I would like to think I would have said the same thing. But, honestly, I don’t know. Jesus was clearly a wise teacher, but what did he know about fishing? What could he teach a professional fisherman about his trade? What rabbi would even dare to be so presumptuous? It worked out well for Peter. The catch was miraculous. It was too big for his boat! It was amazing, and it was a little scary. Peter expressed as much. It was encouraging, to be sure. It said to Peter, “Look what you accomplished with me.” It illustrated to Peter that, with Jesus, he could do amazing things. I promise you, Peter was glad he took Jesus’ fishing advice. Encouraging? Yes. Beyond belief.

But then came the second level of encouragement. Jesus then helped Peter begin to see what COULD be. He began to cast a vision of Peter’s future. Here’s how scripture describes the conversation:

“Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.” And when they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed him.

There is encouragement that helps you feel good about what has already happened, and then there is encouragement that changes your life forever. Do you want to drive the important relationships in your life deeper and make them more meaningful and more nurturing both to you and to them? Learn this kind of encouragement. Get good at being that to others in your life, and forge friendships with those who can be that for you as well. You will never regret it.

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on this website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by Christian Unity Ministries. Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: © Christian Unity Ministries. Website: oneanotherproject.com.